I just found an old column that I wrote back in 1980 for The News Reporter in Whiteville. As I read it (actually re-read it since I had read it originally when I wrote it) I realized that things had not changed a lot for me or our life in general since I wrote the piece. President Reagan had just been elected President of the United States and I was looking to the future. Here’s what I said in 1980 and some new comments.
I have never been one to make New Year’s resolutions, but since last year was such a mess (See the similarity.) I feel the necessity of make every effort to see that the same things don’t happen again. So, keeping in mind I only make promises with loopholes, here are my promises for 1980.
- I will do whatever is legally necessary to make a lot of money. (A failed resolution then and ever since.)
- I will not be a chauvinist in the presence of a lady.
- I promise to accept all the promises made by the timeshare sales people but never by one. (Some how that worked out to be true.)
- I will speak kindly of Senator Helms if he will speak kindly of me. (Neither ever occurred.)
- Did I say I would do whatever was necessary to make money?
- I will not “do lunch” with any media people who are not on expense account. (I was working in television at the time.)
- I will not fly on jet planes built before 1960 (update that to 2000)…flown by pilots over twenty-six years old but not older than fifty…planes must be constructed to specifications by MIT graduates with IQs in excess of 150… and I will only fly between cities that can be reached in two days by camel ride.
- I will not accept any collect obscene phone calls… on Tuesdays.
- I will cut down on my intake of junk food… except Twinkies and Moon Pies. (The Twinkies situation has pretty much been taken care of.)
- I will make a lot of money. (A redundant failure.)
- I will start going to aerobic exercise classes. (Not realistic then or now.)
- I will go into a business partnership with a conglomerate of wealthy businessmen of proven ability and integrity whose faith in my talents will cause them to award me an ample monetary compensation for my contribution to the ultimate success of our venture. (Didn’t even come close.)
- Failing that, I will try to make a little money.
Some things just never change.